Last month, Stanley Manufacturing decided to open a factory in Acton. Though some people are opposed to that, I think that the new factory will be a benefit to the town for some reasons. To begin with, opening a new factory can provide several vacancies for the residents so that they could have more choices of jobs. Second, many new people will move to the town if the factory opened. Once the population rises, the town may turn itself into a city and develop different types of industry. Third, the residents’ incomes will increase which enable them to live a better life. What more, such is the enhancing of the stream of customers that the shopping district nearby the factory will be thriving and prosperous. For these reasons, I am in favor of opening a factory in Acton.
vacancy我覺得用的剛剛好~因為大家好像都只有提到工作機會~你的是職缺~感覺更專業XDD
回覆刪除many new people will move to the town if the factory opened.=>new people 感覺是在寫新人類的感覺~有點怪~可以改成the population may increase~會比較好=)
這篇我覺得寫的很整齊~看了很舒服^口^
字體看起來怪怪的欸xDDDDD
回覆刪除搗亂視覺! 喔ˊˊˊ 哈
Though some people are opposed to that, I think that the new factory will be a benefit to the town for some reasons.
改成有effects這個字感覺比較切題，可以改成這樣之類的：the new factory will bring some benefic effects to the town.
For these reasons（effects 同上，這樣比較切題唷）, I am in favor of opening a factory in Acton.
will be a benefit to the town
回覆刪除這邊可改成will be provide a lot of benefits to the town ~
industryu要變成ies喔~
What more,是What's more,><
文章的最前面可以加上是個怎樣的地方喔!!!
這樣就會和在後面的蓋工廠成對比~
增加文章新意=)
這篇挺不錯的XDDD
opening a new factory can provide several vacancies for the residents so that they could have more choices of jobs.這句時態記得要一樣喔
回覆刪除你前面是can後面便could了
many new people will move to the town if the factory opened--->
many new people will move to the town if the factory was opened
the residents’ incomes will increase which enable them to live a better life.
enable應該要+s因為是只收入會增加這件事
the town may turn itself into a city and develop different types of industry.是說town不會自己把自己變成城市喔 它不是人~
nearby -->near
nearby 通常放字尾而不放名詞前。
然後結論句可以在長一點喔
people are opposed to that
回覆刪除直接寫people oppose to that就好啦
if the factory opened. 這是可能發生的 所以不用用過去是唷
What more--> What's more原來賣摳也會打錯~
For these reasons, I am in favor of opening a factory in Acton.
結尾打這樣比較像是意見的文章~~但是這篇是影響喔
Last month, Stanley Manufacturing decided to open a factory in Acton.
回覆刪除>>>開頭有故事性很棒
寫出自己的立場
整篇還算通順
回覆刪除只是他不是給了很多線索
應該可以打很多才對阿~~~~
其實賣摳每次都沒什麼太大的錯誤,只是這篇似乎又回到了之前短文章的形式了:|
回覆刪除建議賣摳 文章可以搞威一點 線索就都寫上去 有什麼寫什麼
不知道要寫什麼 還可以就論點延伸喔:D