2011年3月14日 星期一

A terrible day

  I had a really bad day today. Yesterday, I had a lot of homework to do. And it was past midnight when I finished my homework. Because of staying up late last night, I overslept and was late for school this morning. When I got to school, I found that I didn’t bring my homework. Furthermore, I was so tired that I felt sleepy in class, which kept me from focusing on what the teacher said. Worst of all, I forgot that there would be a test while I didn't prepare for it. As a result, I failed the test. In addition to be scolded by my teacher, I was asked to retake the exam tomorrow. I think that today is a terrible day for me.
張貼者： 於

9 則留言:

  1. 椿茱2011年3月14日 下午6:32

    第一行I had a really bad day today
    →Today is not my day.

    第三行I found that I didn’t bring my homework.
    →I found that I forgot to bring my homework.

    倒數第二行asked to retake the exam tomorrow
    是補考嗎? →make-up exam

    文章上沒有太大的錯誤，但是可以延伸長一點，例如多描述其中你的心情模樣之類的:D

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  2. 佳穎2011年3月14日 下午6:36

    I was so tired that I felt sleepy in class, which kept me from focusing on what the teacher said. 這裡用關代是錯的用法喔
    因為你的which不是修飾class...
    I forgot that there would be a test while I didn't prepare for it.這裡的連接詞while好像不適合

    http://tw.dictionary.yahoo.com/dictionary?p=WHILE --->while的用法

    In addition to be scolded by my teacher, I was asked to retake the exam tomorrow.
    然後In addition to 後面要改being
    然後我覺得阿
    文章內容好像不適合用today.......
    感覺你第一句得時態跟最後一具的結論句不一樣..
    建議你不要寫today比較好喔

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  3. 曉芸2011年3月14日 下午6:38

    I had a really bad day today.->today應該要刪掉因為今天是哪一天，沒有明確的時間概念

    I forgot that there would be a test while I didn't prepare for it.->test後面可以加再多久之後會有考試，我覺得文章會比較順暢一點

    As a result後面可以加上of my frustration稍微強調

    In addition to be scolded by my teacher後面可以加上due to my poor grade

    I think that today is a terrible day for me. 我覺得結尾可以再多一點字，感覺結尾不夠有力的感覺

    我覺得文章讀起來很樸實也很清新的感覺，就看起來很可以讓人讀下去，只是某些部分如果可以再多加點什麼會更好，可以讓文章更豐富

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  4. 靖苡2011年3月14日 下午6:52

    When I got to school 不用to唷!

    其他沒有太多的錯誤，錯誤很少我覺得很棒!
    可是內容只有一點點起伏讓我沒有太多動力繼續讀。
    我這樣說你會不會傷心押=ˋˋ=!!?

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  5. 珍儀2011年3月14日 下午6:53

    應該要有一個真的超級糟的事件當主要的部分,會更有看頭~
    其他錯誤同上~

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  6. 惠芳2011年3月16日 晚上10:53

    And it was past midnight when I finished my homework.
    And(連接詞)可用Furthermore,(副詞)代替
    (因為句首用副詞較合適)!!!
    past可改成until~
    when可改成that~

    可以加上被狗追或情急之下搭錯公車~
    感覺就會比較糟!!!
    內容也可以多加一點~

    感覺很寫實!不錯喔~

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  7. 玲儀2011年3月16日 晚上11:14

    Worst of all, I forgot that there will be a test tomorrow and I didn't prepare for it.

    In addition to being scolded by my teacher, I was asked to retake the exam. I thought that today was a terrible day for me.

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  8. XUAN (13)2011年3月16日 晚上11:16

    第四行的furthermore可以改成what's worse
    來support你的文章說服力
    還有同樣是第四行
    是tearcher"s"

    篇幅可以在多加描述增加字數

    開頭有點短而且如果用更明確的方法讓人家知道
    你的第一句就是要講什麼會更好喔

    EX.

    I had a really bad day today due to I stayed up over the midnight for a pile of homework and tests yesterday.


    然後文章可以穿插一些片語
    每句話的開頭可以擅用連接詞
    因為內容描述的太白話囉

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  9. 翊平~11~2011年3月20日 上午8:50

    錯誤同上~

    感覺沒什麼張力，
    字數不夠呦喔~
    可以再多多刻畫你terrible的心情~

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