David, who was an excellent athlete, used to won the award in race. Unfortunately, he had his leg broken in a car accident. And it was hurt badly, so he had to have his leg amputated. At first, he was very upset while the thought that his athletic career would come to an end keeping going round and round in his mind. With his family’s and friends’ encouragement, he rebounded from the state of depression. After he was released from the hospital, he started practicing running and hoped himself could entered the race again. Five years later, he entered the race as he wishes. To everyone’s surprised, he won first award. Although he is disabled, his efforts were finally crowned with success. I think that his spirit deserves our praise.
作者已經移除這則留言。
回覆刪除耶 我頭香XD
回覆刪除第一行used to won (是win吧)
回覆刪除And it was hurt badly, so he had to have his leg amputated.
我:Because he was hurt badly, he had to have his leg amputated.
At first, he was very upset while(我:and) the thought that his athletic career would come to an end was(要有was吧) keeping going round and round in his mind.
第六行could entered (enter 原形唷)
下一行To everyone’s surprised(surprise吧)
倒數第二行he is disabled (was)
應該OK:)
嗯~
回覆刪除所以他腿斷了撐著拐杖還跑了第一??
太...強了吧！！
OK~讚~
阿Jo~
回覆刪除麻煩你跟我說一下你的信箱喔~謝謝
David, who was an excellent athlete, used to won the award in race.
回覆刪除award前的the改成many awards因為還沒特別指定哪個獎
used to win吧~
回覆刪除結尾十分立志!!!
很有酷斃麥的風格XD
And it was hurt badly, so he had to have his leg amputated. →He was hurt so badly that he had to have his leg amputated.改成這樣會不會比較好一點?
回覆刪除第一句就真在講的這樣
回覆刪除Five years later, he entered the race as he wishes時態錯了wishes改what he had hoped
To everyone’s surprised-->surprise多加一個d
Although he is disabled, his efforts were finally crowned with success.
is改was
第四行going round and round in his mind
回覆刪除可以寫成 haunt his mind
第一行的award忘了加上s了
回覆刪除第四行的最後"
With his family’s and friends’"
應該是"With his family and friends' " 唷:)
整段的文章篇幅稍短一點
可以在多加描述主角的風光事蹟
或是興趣專長之類的
我是覺得一下子就進入車禍有點突然@@
With his family’s and friends’ encouragement, he rebounded from the state of depression.覺得用recover from是不是比較好
回覆刪除At first, he was very upset while the thought that his athletic career would come to an end keeping going round and round in his mind.
這邊的while連接兩個子句 that 到 end 用來修飾thought那keep是不是要用原形??
I think that his spirit deserves our praise.
I think that his inspiration is worth complimenting.